Like Father Like...

2005-04-07T16:08:00.000+01:00

Well it's almost a year since I turned from a man into a Father. As I was driving to work today I saw all the signs I looked for this time last year to help name the baby or guess its sex. How wrong I was.

This time last year I was nervously awaiting a phonecall but with the knowledge that whatever happened we'd be going to hospital that night, so I was expecting to be a father tomorrow. How wrong I was, again.

But I'm a virtual year long Father now. We have booked his birthday party and all the friends and family are coming to celebrate his arrival and it seems like so long ago now that we went through 29 hours of labour to bring about his arrival. They say when you have kids, time just flies by, they are not wrong. But it's time that has been filled with all that is good in the world.

I'm still unsure if I'll be continuing this blog after he turns one, initially I created it to help me write down my worries, thoughts and hopes and make things seem a little clearer maybe. It must be obvious to anyone reading that the large gaps in posts recently are due to lack of time and not effort. It is these gaps that make me wonder if this blog has indeed served its purpose, whether that is the case, only time will tell.

Everything has changed and I'm still smiling.

2005-03-14T11:51:00.000Z

Well I made my update within a month this time, miraculous stuff. First steps a few weeks ago and now he's tearing around, albeit wobbly style and the occasional crash and nose bang on the carpet, but freedom has never felt so good for him one suspects.

We have had a break from the teething interuptions and are actually enjoying relatively uninterupted sleep at the moment. However with his new found abilities he's become even harder work to keep an eye on so by the time you get to bed your knackered anyway.

His stuff expands, our house gets crammed and now we have started the journeys around the local and not so local area to look at potential places to move to, So we may be upping sticks and chancing our arm in the property market again. When people say everything changes when you have a baby, they arn't wrong!

2005-02-18T11:02:00.000Z

Major news last night. He has taken his first steps in the world. Four to be precise. Luckily I was there to see it and even luckier it was me he took his steps towards. He had the most joyful expression I have ever seen etched onto his face when he realised what he'd done. I did too.

2005-01-20T11:10:00.000Z

I'm well aware its been an absolute age since I last posted any news or information. Are there any excuse? Plenty but I wont bore you with them, but I can at least say it's not laziness.

So whats happened recently? Well he has grown up. He is now a crawler and a fast one at that, he is now into household destruction and anything within reach is fair game. He has learnt to stand up and move along sofas, low tables and has taken to letting go, balancing for a second and then falling over. He has also developed a head of steel, crawling into walls and just bouncing off them, no effects at all. He is enjoying the sense of freedom movement gives you and we are constantly chasing after him on his new found journey's, small steps but giant leaps.

He now has six teeth and many more on the way, as each new one arrives our sleep waves goodbye, we have a gap of about three or four days sometimes more between teeth and sleep for England during those gaps. Teeth are so much trouble from birth onwards.

He is very happy, smiling and laughing and a very impressive charmer with the ladies, I'd like to say he got that from his Dad, but not sure I can claim that.

As for us, we had our first Xmas together as a family, which was very different and wonderful. We spent new year inside with him, very quiet. I guess a sign of things to come, thats what happens I suppose. We took him to Centerparcs for his first long weekend break away and he loved it, we did too.

So what does 2005 hold in store. New job, new future I hope. New house, no space left. A lot more changes, some good, some bad, but you certainly cant hide from change when you have a family.

2004-10-07T11:05:00.000+01:00

Well I cant believe it's been so long since I had time to sit down and write up some stuff and I'm only able to now, cause work is so quiet today. Its been manic. There have been work reviews that deserve an entire blog in themselves (watch this space), new horizons opening up that demand time I haven't got but that I cant let pass by and my little boy now has two bottom teeth, can sit up totally unaided and is beginning to enter the wonderful world of solids - proper food!

He has been to baby signing classes so he can tell us what he wants - allegedly, baby swimming so he can swim underwater unaided (apparently they have a reflex action that closes their throat so they can swim under water without swallowing) and god knows what else.

Its been busy, but I guess from the gap in posts you probably guessed that.

2004-09-20T16:47:00.000+01:00

Long holiday huh. It takes a long time to come back to earth once you've relaxed and forgotten about work. Had a great holiday, our first as a family. Stayed in a small quaint'ish cottage in Bude, Cornwall. Cornwall is as they say a beautiful part of the country, spent the week visiting small villages and lying on the beach. We even managed to pick Englands best week of sunshine this summer, perfect. As with every holiday, plenty of time to assess all the things your doing wrong and build a plan to change them. Back at work the time vanishes and unless your absolutely dedicated, so do the plans. Not this time.

He had his first tooth whilst we were away, pushing up to shine a little piece of white in his red gums. We all looked and thought of him growing up already and only now the reality of it has dawned on us. The happy little boy we took on holiday is no longer quite so happy, in pain he doesnt understand he can at times be inconsolable which is heart breaking, teething gel and calpol as our last ditch is all we have to help him out. And of course now he isnt sleeping through the night anymore....

2004-09-01T16:13:00.000+01:00

He's into his six to nine months clothes now, he's really starting to look like a little boy now. Its weird that in a few months he'll be crawling around and a few more maybe even walking around.

Cornwall beckons and its our first holiday together as a new family. The car looks like its going to 90% full of his stuf and just the glove box for the two of us. I am beginning to understand why people buy giant estates now, though I'm holding off ever actually getting one.

2004-08-27T16:21:00.000+01:00

Bank holiday weekend ahead. Two barbecues, golf and maybe a trip down the coast all beckon. Then four day week and off to Cornwall for a weeks holiday, his first. With any luck our country might actually see the sun at some point this summer, not long of it left either.

He's still waking in the night. As the end of the working day looms I find my eyes getting so tired, I like many parents long for an uninterupted nights sleep and a lie in but in reality I know thats all gone for some time now, must not start to crave it !!

2004-08-26T10:22:00.001+01:00

Broken nights again. Its like a flashback, your body just recovering, your mind actually functioning again and then cries in the night, your back to square one. We got up last night and as we fed him we could hear his little stomach rumbling, was heartbreaking. We have upped the feeds accordingly to compensate and are trying to hang on a little while longer before we start on the solids. Apart from eating more, he's still totally happy so we will try and do as the books say and hold off till as close to six months as possible before the blender kicks into action.

2004-08-23T16:59:00.000+01:00

Didn't have to hold my breath for very long. He has started to wake up at 4am every morning the last few nights, wanting more food. I guess this is the beginning of the road to solids. We are hoping it'll be a slow road and we can hang on till he's 6 months old or we get back from our trip to Cornwall in the first week of September.

Had a great weekend, played golf for only the second time since his arrival and will beplaying once more this coming Satuday too! Watched the Olympics which is just fantastic and then on Sunday did a photoshoot of a friend and her baby and have been commissioned to do some paid work on her partners company websites. All in all a very successful and enjoyable weekend. And whats better, the following one is a bank holiday!

2004-08-20T14:12:00.000+01:00

I've been very slow in updating this page recently. I would like to say i've been too busy at work but I haven't. I think I've just had a slow down for a week. Its certainly not that he isnt doing as much, he's still trying to turn over and still as happy as larry, so everythings good there. I guess we have found a routine at the moment and he has settled nicely into that. There are some big things coming up like teething, underwater swimming lessons, crawling and weening so there'll be plenty to talk about in detail soon.

It's almost like a lull in a storm or a deep breath before the next push. I know its coming so I should enjoy the moments as they are now. Gives me time to appreciate being a father and actually take stock of the past four months that have seemed like four days.

So deep breath.....

2004-08-13T16:02:00.000+01:00

We now have littered around the house various books on teething, preparing your baby for food and preparing food for your baby. Also I have noticed small containers appearing at an alarming rate. They seem to be breeding in a small cupboard and bursting for freedom at every opportunity. I'm told that we will not be trying to get him off the bottle and onto solids until he's as close to six months as we can make it, this date is totally dependant on him and how often he needs feeding. If he starts waking every few hours because he's hungry then I guess that six month figure will be dramatically shortened. All the talk now is of freezing mushed up food in ice cubes, I'm just dreading droppping one in a nice cool gin and tonic and seeing it turn orange, on the other hand it could create a whole new range in cocktails.

We are going swimming with him tomorrow. He's had his final jabs, the day after the government decided to withdraw mercury from them but had none of the new ones released. We are totally at the mercy of the health service when it comes to this sort of thing. What can you do? So he had his jab, was his grouchy self for a bit but seemed fine the day after, so a family outing beckons to our local pool. We want him to get used to the water at an early age, not least because we have booked him into one of those underwater swimming classes in September, waterproof cameras are at the ready !

2004-08-10T13:58:00.000+01:00

He rolled over yesterday. There we were sitting having our quintissential English cup of tea and the next thing we knew he was on his front wriggling about, lifting his head up and looking around. I think he was as surprised as us, neither of us knowing how he did it. A few seconds on his front and realising he couldnt get back was all it took for him to get upset and for us to return him to his customary position. No instant repeat but another small step in the evolvement of our man.

My sister had a baby girl yesterday. So now I have a neice and he has a cousin.

2004-08-05T12:44:00.000+01:00

We were bought a bouncer for our boy this weekend, a delayed Uncle's birthday gift. You clip it onto a doorframe and strap him in (the baby, not the Uncle as was suggested) and pull the bungee rope and whoosh off he goes. Giggling and laughing as he bounces all over the place. This lasts for about five minutes till he gets frustrated with not having the strength to bounce himself up and down, then he kicks off and wants out as soon as possible. Its got potential though, great potential.

On an aside, he has taken to watching intently whilst I eat. The first real sign of teething and his desire to move up the food chain and out of the just milk gang. He doesn't watch his Mother, just me. I feel quite guilty when I cant give him anything. He has the sad dog eyes, when noone gives the family pet scraps off the table. Very strange.

2004-08-03T15:27:00.000+01:00

Well that was a weekend and a half. What news of the boy, well as I spent three days away from him, I was pleased to find nothing new upon my return, apart froom his excitement at seeing me again. Lovely. Bought him a new soft toy to play with as part of a father's guilt for being away.

Jersey is lovely, some lovely golf courses, beautiful long sandy beaches and friendly people, went on long cycle around the island, exhausted at the end, though the lobster more than made up for it. Got drunk and discovered all the bars and clubs, let my hair down (if I had any) and generally relaxed and had a great time.

Still glad to get home to the little one though.

2004-07-29T14:05:00.000+01:00

This has been my biggest gap in posts, so if anyone has been reading this reguarly, which I'm beginning to doubt, then I apologise. It has been hectic and it has also been bed ridden too. Having gone to a wedding on Friday which for once the weather agreed should be a grand day, having a wonderful day, the boy sent off for a days over stimulation at the grandparents. Our first chance to have a relaxing day, just the two of us since he literally burst into our lives. He was brought to the evening reception, to be shown off and cooed over but was having none of it. Asleep upon arrival, he awoke to find six strange faces all pushing into his car seat and went nuts. I ended up wheeling him off down the river thames for an hour to calm him down.

Saturday was a family gathering with both sets of grandparents for which were both exhausted. Sunday came and I decided to try and kill myself with a bout of food poisoning. So layed up in bed for three days trying to recover in time for my trip to Jersey tomorrow. Regarding said trip, it's the first time I"ll be away from my boy since his arrival, sixteen weeks ago tomorrow. Sixteen weeks old, four months ago he was born. An amazing time, now I'm looking forward to coming out of the bubble for a couple of days to finally celebrate with my mate, my transition from man to father. Cigars are packed.

2004-07-22T09:35:00.000+01:00

Off to a wedding tomorrow. He is going to visit his grandparents for the day and is only coming to the wedding in the evening. Will be first time we have both left him for any length of time. She is a bridesmaid so I will have plenty of time to have a drink, relax and take photos. Should be a relaxing day, if the weather holds. Though I do regret not being able to take him there with us, in the old days, meaning before he came along, I used to get really annoyed at screaming babies in a church. Now though I begin to understand why parents have them there. Though I would be up and out of a service if he did kick off in seconds. Fine for them to be there when they are happy, but screaming the roof down is definately a signal to leave. Why do so many parents ignore that when they are in a wedding, after all its a whole day event not just the half hour for the ceremony? Perhaps thats why our friends have asked for kids not to be brought to their wedding.

2004-07-20T17:04:00.000+01:00

The first night of uninterupted sleep was followed again by our second night of deep blissful sleep. I now feel almost like I've overslept, as we were getting so used to the old sleep pattern. I'm sure it wont take anywhere near as long to adapt to this new pattern if (fingers crossed) it continues.

Apart from sleep which looking back seems to fill a lot of my posts, all is well. He is definately more communicative now, he reaches for and grabs things, anything. He laughs and giggles and recognises familiar faces very quickly now and we are even debating if he is at the onset of teething as he seems to enjoy chewing the bottle teat, our fingers and anything else that he can get in his mouth, which is just about anything he can reach (obviously we have babyproofed his reachable area). Already I feel like he's growing up too fast.

The most recent purchase is a babygrow. This is excellent, its kind of a sleeping bag for babies, you stick them in it pull their arms through the sleeves and then they have a blanket they cannot slide under and also with the panels in our cot the cant stick their legs out through the slats, something our lad seemed to enjoy doing in his sleep, till he got stuck. They come in all different tog weights for summer and winter and as she says look ever so cute. Worth a look if your in doubt about blankets etc.

2004-07-19T15:55:00.000+01:00

He slept through the night last night. All the way through! We still got up to check on him though. Old habits die hard.

2004-07-15T10:55:00.000+01:00

He had his second jabs a few days ago. Was once again clingy and hated being put down, ended up giving him small dose of calpol which seemed to do the trick. He slept it off and was fine the next day. My birthday was on Tuesday, he was well enough to go out and buy me a pair of jeans, good lad. Also got a new tennis racket and a present that has yet to arrive.

Now I've got a cold, feeling exhausted and another day of depression beckons at work. Seriously need to address my working future. Strange how every birthday makes you look at your life that little bit harder.

2004-07-12T17:33:00.000+01:00

Lovely weekend, he was so so happy all the time, its amazing to watch him change into such a happy soul in the space of a few days, still has his tantrums but he's laughing, gurgling and seems to be very aware of all the fun surrounding him now.

So Monday comes and what do we do? Take him to the doctors for his second set of injections. Hardly a reward for such a happy weekend.

2004-07-07T15:46:00.000+01:00

Sleep, glorious sleep. A night of deep barely interupted slumber was granted me last night. I feel like a different man. New, improved, raring to go obviously still totally delirious but on the road to sanity once more.

Amazing how lack of sleep will take over all your thoughts, thinking about sleep, craving it, chasing it, so muchso that I cant remember anything else that happened yesterday.

2004-07-05T17:25:00.000+01:00

What a weekend. No sleep on friday at all, not one jot. Sheep flew, cows jumped the moon but no z's in my night. Got up and played golf, came home had the boy for the rest of the day and the night. Our first night together. She was off on her best friends hen party, her first night away from him.

He was ok but had to bring him back into our room and his moses basket as I was worried I was so tired I might not hear him if he was in the other room, I needn't have worried, I am now so in tune to his needs I slept lightly and got up three times to feed and comfort him. Although I was shattered it was a lovely experience, having him all to my own. Got up Sunday and played tennis, my best game for years, my serve was awesome, much moe powerful. I put it down to the bench pressing I've been doing with him when he needs to burp, great arm curls, my mucle tones never been better.

Wached Wimbledon final and football, amazing game, how can Greece be European Champions? Anything can happen in sport, anything. Went to work, felt like death. Nothing changed there!!!

2004-07-02T13:08:00.000+01:00

Late last night we decided to try him in his room. We cleared out the hundreds of toys that have been living there since he was born, they now live under his cot in smart little wheeled boxes, ready to be pulled out at a moments notice.

We turned on all the lights I spent a day rigging up, paper lanterns adorning the cot, spun the wooden retro mobile and plonked him on the mattress. He looked so small. He looked up for a while wondering where on earth he was then spent the next ten minutes kicking up an excited little storm.

Then he promptly fell asleep.

We rigged up the monitor, turned it to full volume and spent the rest of the night not sleeping because we were wondering what on earth those noises were coming from next door. After checking for the twentieth time, she came back to tell me he had managed to get his legs stuck through the bars of the cot and was asleep like that. I think we had more sleep when he was in our room!

2004-07-01T11:54:00.000+01:00

Sleep, beautiful sleep. The last few nights have been horrendous, he's definately on a growth spurt, demanding food every couple of hours, hardly sleeping inbetween. The dawns are beautiful though.

2004-06-29T17:38:00.000+01:00

He's had terrible nappy rash over the last few days, we found that absolutely none of the products on offer has made a difference, except maybe E45 for comfort value. Washing him with cotton wool and warm water seems to be doing the trick. Amazing how all the years of research and investment can be wiped away with a little water and cotton wool.

2004-06-25T09:19:00.000+01:00

Slightly off topic, but I have to whinge somewhere. No, we didn't play well, no we weren't particuraly impressive but yes we did actually win the game. Only to see a spineless referee loose his bottle and disallow a perfectly good goal, a winning goal that would have seen us in the semi-finals.

Does the subject of instant replay raise its head now, surely something needs to be done to avoid something like this happening ever again.

Since I was born I have only see England lose in weird and horrible circumstances, I was hoping my boy wouldn't have the same disapointments to deal with, but it looks like he's starting young.

2004-06-24T15:47:00.000+01:00

England v Portugal tonight. Nothing to do but get home, open a cold beer and try and enjoy the game.

Someone stole my wiper blades yesterday, which is a bit weird to say the least, I know it was really tipping it down but thats ridiculous. Wondering if I have upset a neighbour or something...

2004-06-23T16:43:00.000+01:00

He's not sleeping as well at the moment, seems to be on a growth spurt and wanting more and more food, more and more often. He's taken to lifting his legs in his sleep and kicking them out into the moses basket, all we hear all night long is the crackling of whicker. He's getting to the stage where we already have to consider where he will sleep now. Initially it was planned that at least the first three to four months he would be in our moses basket at the bottom of the bed, but he's so big already we think it's only got two weeks life left in it, before he's hanging out the sides.

She is desperate for him to stay in our room but his room is ready and the cot definately wont fit in our room, so it's a real dilema at the moment. We have all the gadgets to measure temperature and listen for noises etc and he'll only be a few yards away but those few yards will seem like a mile when we first separate him from us at night.

2004-06-22T16:19:00.000+01:00

50th post today. England make it to the quarter finals, Wimbledon starts and Tim Henman wins his first match. Playing tennis in club competition tonight with my dad, we have been trying to win our club doubles competition together ever since I can remember, our best result is twice beaten finalists. I do wonder if one day I'll be lucky enough to play doubles with my son and who knows maybe win that final.

Im 32 in three weeks. This time last year I was only 30, married but no kids and with very few cares in the world. Now I'll be 32 and have all the cares in the world that come with parenthood. What a difference a year can make.

2004-06-21T13:45:00.000+01:00

Where are the weeks going. He's ten weeks old already. My best friend returns home from America today, to a surprise party next weekend, he left only a week after our fella arrived. Amazing how quickly he can change in ten weeks, his hair is growing back, he is communicating now and he has associated his hands as a part of him and can now reach out and grab hanging toys and mummy's hair.

Best of all though is his amazing ability to buy me a father's day card and present of Lord of the Rings, Return of the King DVD. What an amazing achievement for one so young. My very first Father's day was spent with him and the grandparents, a barbecue, beer and football on the telly. Perfect.

2004-06-18T12:59:00.000+01:00

Well James did play but still I got my prediction right, amazing. Well done England, though I hope you'll play better in the next game.

We watched the game together, I think he likes the colour green as he stares transfixed at the screen, obviously I claim he's watching the game, but the green seems to calm him as much as it excites me.

Today he has a baby massage session. Apparently they lay all the babies out on some poor suckers carpet in the lounge, strip them off and then massage them, with seven boys in the group, I'm told it can resemble one of those water fountain installations with water spraying out in all directions.

Rather them than me.

2004-06-17T14:31:00.000+01:00

Was up at 5am yesterday, for once not because of him. Early call for an early train for an early shoot. Filming corporate (though I should say I try not to make them look corporate) communication video. Spent the day in London but trapped inside with the heat of the lights instead of the sun for company.

When I got home, late, she was very happy, he'd been a great lad all day, the happiest day so far for both of them. I missed it. He did smile when I got in though which is usually all it takes for me to be happy too.

England tonight, after devastating final minutes against France we can but hope we'll get an easy ride against the Swiss. My prediction: 3:0. Assuming we dont play Heskey or James !

2004-06-15T15:21:00.000+01:00

Its so hot! I'm trying not to complain but us English are just not used to this global warming thing. Probably being trapped in the office doesn't help.

The temperature in our bedroom has rocketed to 27 degrees, they recommend between 15-22 ish for a baby, no amount of fan purchasing would of helped last night so we just had to pray a little have the windows as wide as possible and assume that families living with babies in hot countries were just the same. Its nerve racking reading about cot death though and then seeing the temperature rise uncontrollably, what can you do?

2004-06-14T12:01:00.000+01:00

Went to Marlow Regatta on Saturday, had a picnic by the river watching the rowing races, took our nephew too, played in the fun fair, had ice cream, relaxed in the sunshine, almost drunk Pimms, the quintisential English summer day.

Then on Sunday we had the folks over for the day, went for long walk and built up the excitement for England v France, had some beer and some Pimms, dressed him up in his mini England soccer kit, he looked so cool. Unfortunately he didn't witness one of our great triumphs, only another of our heart breaking losses. What is it with us and big tournaments? At least, we agreed, it wasn't at the knockout stage this time, we have time to recover and as everyone keeps saying get back to the dream final with France again, only this time win.

On an aside, I've always wanted to live by the sea, consider it to be a perfect place to bring up a family, news to follow but a step closer has been taken.

2004-06-10T17:53:00.000+01:00

He had his jabs today. Was expecting a phone call with a bawling boy as background but was greeted instead by a serene mother and sleeping child. He's a hardy fella. Will wait and see if he gets the expected fever from the innoculations, but so far so good. He's only got another two injection sessions to go!

2004-06-09T17:16:00.000+01:00

Managed to leave work on time last night, the roads opened up to me and in a moment of unbelievable luck all the traffic jams that have been haunting my driving for the past nine months, simply vanished. Drove home as if in a dream, all lights on green, suddenly the distance to my work didn't seem a distance at all. My hour and thirty minute drive home became a mere forty minutes.

The evening was warm and with racket in hand I once again found myself on a tennis court for a match, not having played for three months, it wasn't much of a match. But reclaiming part of my old life again felt so good. I know everything has changed forever, but it's nice to find yourself back doing what you enjoy once in a while. Hell I have to keep my eye in so I can take him on court with me in years to come. Now thats something worth looking forward to.

Woke up this morning, got in the car, drove one mile and sat in traffic again, crawling to work in an hour and forty five minutes. Venus must have been smiling on me last night.

2004-06-08T17:13:00.000+01:00

Today Venus passes in front of the sun. Yesterday a father looked after his son. Hardly comparative but in the grand scale of family things it rated quite high for me. All alone with him for the day.

Was it terrifying? Nerve racking? Boring? Hard work?

None of the above, I can safely say. I imagine I got lucky for I can understand how it can be all of the above but for me, at least on this day, it wasn't. He was happy pretty much all day long. I fed him when he cried for food, no breasts but thats been the story of all man's life, so bottle had to do, cleaned him up when he needed cleaning, gave him a bath and sat in a shady part of the garden looking at the flowers on the breeze, he was fascinated by that, natures very own mobile.

The day was warm in all the simple way things can be warm. A feel good day if ever I had one.

Coming back to work again was a wrench, a gut wrench. I need to find a job I can work from home for and quickly.

2004-06-04T10:36:00.000+01:00

End of another working week. Should be a good end too. Tonight I have a reunion party with all my old friends from a company I worked for a few years ago, virtually all of whom lost our jobs in the dot com crash. Yet still we stay in touch and meet up occasionally, if only I could find another job with that kind of continuing connection with people. If I keep looking I must be able to find it again. So tonight I can let my hair down, if I had any and truly wet my baby's head in style.

My second long weekend in a row beckons, with Monday taken off so she can have a days pampering at a health spa and I can have him to my lonesome for the day. Exciting and nerve racking in one.

Finally, tomorrow we pick up our new car. Searching around to find one big enough to fit our pram in ended after abortive trips to Toyota and Ford (the focus being too small and the sales people too disinterested and slimey). So we ended in a Vauxhall garage, Foxs of Farnborough. Their service was fantastic and the price excellent so we pick up our new Vectra (well second hand, but it feels new to us) tomorrow morning. It comes to something when not only do we spend all our money on him, we even have to buy a new car just to fit his pram in.

2004-06-03T13:19:00.000+01:00

Her mornings. We both wake in the night when he cries but she usually gets up, unless she isn't breastfeeding that night. The alarm goes at 6.30, she'll lie and watch me creep about around him trying to have a shower, secretly praying I wont wake him.

I'll leave and if she's lucky she'll get an extra hour, if not he'll wave me goodbye from her arms. Then she'll feed him, wash him, play with him, try and have breakfast, try and have a shower and yet still find herself in her dressing gown come lunchtime.

2004-06-02T08:22:00.000+01:00

Very long weekend. The sun even shone on Monday. I now have a nice traffic light red head to prove it. Stupidly foregoing hat on the golf course, thinking it's not that hot. Foolish boy. Lost the match too, very rusty.

Had lovely time with him all weekend, he seemed to realise it was a holiday too, all smiles and coo's, sleeping in late, chilling out in the shade.

This is how it should be.

2004-05-28T15:24:00.000+01:00

Long weekend ahead beckons. It's been seven weeks but I'm finally getting back onto a golf course on Bank Holiday Monday. Both of them are off to the oestopaths on Saturday for further alignment treatments.

Anyway jumping backwards, heres a couple of the questions we were asked:

Q: 3 or 4 wheeler?
A: Both, buy a new one you'll use most of the time round shops (4 wheels), buy second hand 3 wheeler for off roading from NCT sale

Q: Sex?
A: No energy yet (sad I know)

Q: What is the one thing you could not do without?
A: No one thing but ocean music for getting him to sleep is high up there, as are muslim towels, baby wipes and plenty of patience

Q: How were Baby Blues?
A: Only had one day of tears for her, not as bad as expected but yes she did cry for no reason at all

Q: Can you do anything during the day, such as write a letter?
A: Only if the two of you are there and one takes the baby or if you get a day sleeper, otherwise you'll spend the time clearing up and preparing whilst he's asleep.

Q: Would you do it again
A: Absolutely

2004-05-27T09:51:00.000+01:00

We were invited to be guest speakers at the latest NCT class by our old teacher. I remember us meeting a young couple with their new baby six weeks before we were due. They looked so cool, calm and collected that we scarcly believed it. So thats the image we went for.

Was a great opportunity to scare the living daylights out of everyone but when you arrive and all these expectant faces and bumps stare out at you, all those thoughts vanish.

He was on good form for 30mins and as we spoke about crying, whinging, nappies, breastfeeding, gadgets etc everyone assumed we had an angel baby. Then he decided to fill his nappy.

Them:
'Please show us how you change a nappy'
Me:
'Your kidding, right'
Teacher:
'If you don't mind its the one thing they have all asked to see'
Me:
'You're sure you're sure?'
Them:
'Yes'

So I had to demonstrate a nappy change on a screaming baby. Now theres something I never thought I'd be doing, ever. Hell I almost felt professional as I raised him chicken leg style and cleaned him up, all done in under two minutes, practise makes perfect.

We tried to answer all their questions but who knows if we did a good enough job, made a mental not of all of them and will put them up in tomorrows post with our answers.

Amazingly no-one asked about the labour and birth, I'm sure our teacher must have told them not to, she knew too well that our story would have had them running for cover.

2004-05-26T09:30:00.000+01:00

The dummy is working a charm. He'll suck away when he's on edge and then fall asleep. I cant believe it took us so long to take the gamble now. The latching on is still working, she even thinks his sucking is stronger now, so maybe its helping rather than hindering.

We are into our sixth week now. Apparently there can be major shifts in behavioural patterns after six weeks. Maybe it's started already, he's sleeping more during the day and guzzling way above his normal quota of breast milk and formula. He's also started to make some lovely baby type noises too, the kind everyone goes 'aaaw' when they hear them.

Tonight we are taking him back to meet the next NCT class, to tell them what its like for first six weeks of baby's life. Preparing them for what they might expect. I think all I can say is expect anything and everything and then just go with it.

2004-05-24T09:06:00.000+01:00

Dummy. She went to a dentist on Friday, £400 almost. Incredibly expensive, unbelievable really, all for a bridge. Now here's the rub. When your pregnant and for a year afterwards the government will subsidise your dental fees but only if you can find an NHS dentist. Could we find one, could we heck. They dont exist, they just seem to have upped and vanished, gone to Mexico probably.

Now she had a chat with the dentist about our little man needing a comforter and us trying to train him to suck his thumb. NO! Don't do it, she yelled. Get a dummy as it's better for their teeth coming through as thumbs and fingers can cause all sorts of havoc to teeth. I suppose I should of known that needing braces as I did when I was a kid.

The reason we hadn't bought one yet was breastfeeding, as we were lead to believe it would affect his latching on. Well we bit the dummy and bought one on Saturday and what a difference already, he slept like a baby. Only time will tell for the latching on...

2004-05-21T09:30:00.000+01:00

Well it's finally arrived. Walking in the door to be greeted by a little mini version of the Michelin man. He had his cotton nappies on.

She has always intended to use the terry syle nappies over the disposable as she thought he'd be more comfortable in them and they are better for the environment. Up till now, we've considered it too much to attempt this change, but today was the day.

I'm trying not to get hung up on the potential mess and I realise that before the days of disposables everyone had nappies like these. I know why disposables are used, they are just so easy. I've now got to learn a little origami to put these new ones on. But she's invested a little under £200 in a full set, that theoretically should save us way above that amount in the cost of disposables over his nappy filling years.

So into the world of soft cotton, flushable liners and recycling we head.

2004-05-20T11:36:00.000+01:00

Couple of days behind. He's growing out of control. Weighed in at 11lb 9oz yesterday. It's getting so he can only just fit in our family crib. He's got a few inches either way to go yet but it's never going to last the six months we initially expected.

She doesn't want him to go in the other room yet so we'll just have to see how long he lasts before his legs are hanging out the sides. He takes after his Dad by the way, I've never managed to fit in a bed yet.

Managed a day in town on Tuesday, went to an expo, caught up with some friends and sat in the sunshine into the early evening. I miss London's atmosphere but not it's grime that again found its way under my fingernails, it cant be healthy living there.

2004-05-17T16:57:00.000+01:00

Went on first real family outing over the weekend, nothing overly adventurous just spent the day shopping, browsing and wandering the sunny streets of Guildford.

Going out is more akin to an expedition now. Gone are the days when you just checked back pocket for wallet and car keys. Now we have bags galore. A bag for his spare clothes, a bag for his milk (expressed) and formula with all the changing needs taken care of in a handy hidden compartment. Then there's the pram (sorry, child travel system) and finally the car seat.

It's unbelievable how something so small commands so much. I need a feng shui expert to look at my car loading technique just so I can see out the back window.

And how much of it do we use, hardly anything at all. Just in case, the new maxim of the new parent.

2004-05-14T16:15:00.000+01:00

Got home to find the grass had been cut and a new clothes line put in and a hotly contested bill had been re-adjusted. All thanks to my father-in-law. Having retired parents and in-laws can make all the difference.

Come Sunday I'll return the favour with a beer and barbecue after we build his new water garden. It's a simple life at the moment but sometimes the best things in life are the simplest.

2004-05-13T16:30:00.000+01:00

Well the little fella is working through the family. It's getting to be a running joke that he saves up his worst possible nappies for the times when his grandparents, aunts and uncles are over to see him.

They sit drinking tea, dunking biscuits generally cooing over him, when he starts to cry, they pick him up and walk him round and still he cries.

'I've just fed him' she says innocently

A slight pause and they reply 'Maybe it's a nappy, I'll go and check it for you'.

And so it begins. The initial noises as they tickle his belly, tweak his nose and generally ooh and ahh over him and then the rip of velcro followed by silence.

'Jesus' their voice echoes downstairs.

'You ok?' we innocently ask.

'Oh yes, I'm fine, but...Jesus'.

When they return, they slump in the chair and pass him across. Him all smiles, them ashen. His collection ever grows as the war stories pass across the generations. Who'd have thought they would find so much joy in discussing who's had his worst nappy to date.

2004-05-12T16:39:00.000+01:00

Strange night. Was woken up as usual by the low wimpering noise around 3am only to focus my bleary eyes and realise it was her making the noise not him. It's been sometime since she last had the contractions of the uterus going back to normal but it came again last night with avengance.

It's very disconcerting to see them both upset, even if by popping a bottle in ones mouth is the easy cure, though I suppose popping a pill from another bottle for her is just as easy.

I think he realised it was me with him in the early hours so he decided to stay awake with me. I'm lucky he's such a good listener.

2004-05-11T17:13:00.000+01:00

Everything has to be done in double time. I feel like a sketch from Benny Hill, legs rushing round faster and faster, yet still trying not to creak that bloody loose floorboard.

Finally had an hour to print out some photos of him for friends and family, been waiting since he was born. This is the only problem with digital cameras, you have to find the time to print everything yourself and then of course all the adjustments and tweaking to make the perfect picture, it all adds up. He gave me an hour and Benny Hill like I managed to get a print for our wall and a few for the grandparents.

Putting him on the wall (as a picture of course) makes the house seem even more like a home now.

2004-05-10T10:34:00.000+01:00

Lots to catch up on. Tongue tie went very well, a tiny snip and suddenly his tongues up and running, a tad grouchy for a day or so but is sucking away great guns now. Cranial osteopath had second session with him. Basically, sometimes when a baby does not travel down the birth canal the shape of their head does not spring back to where it should be. In essence being kooked up inside Mum for nine months the little un can get squashed and natures way of unsquashing is via the birth canal, so if you dont go down there you may need an extra bit of help in springing back. What the osteopath does is encourage the body to realise something needs attention and by doing so the bodies natural healing mechanism kicks in. It's a very soft barely there movement of her hand upon his head and face, the cynical would say they dont move at all so what on earth are they doing.

Well we have seen the difference as indeed he has sprung back into shape very quickly and seems happier to boot. He had a habit of sleeping head turned left now we often find him on either side throughout the night, so it must be working.

7pm. Remember 7pm should you have a baby. It seems that 7pm is kick off time. Luckily it's exactly the same time I get in from work. It's not just our baby, all our NCT group say 7pm is the worst time. You have been warned.

2004-05-05T12:46:00.000+01:00

Last night I popped my little finger in his mouth and watched him suck on it and fall fast asleep. He looked so content that life suddenly felt easy. Grabbing chances as we must we fell asleep too and were rewarded with our longest snooze to date.

Today though I'm expecting carnage. The poor little man is going to Southampton to have a small tongue tie looked at. Apparently they are very common, have no worrying effect other than possibly affecting some speech range in later years but more importantly at present they can affect how well your baby can breast feed. The tongue is needed to massage the nipple to produce the milk and if it's a little tied it cant reach far enough onto the nipple to do the job properly. They'll assess this and if required in a couple of seconds do a small snip on the membrane holding the tongue down.

The doctor involved has written that he believes a baby should always be able to poke it's tongue out at it's parents. I'm inclined to agree.

Tomorrow - cranial oestopathy!

2004-05-04T17:33:00.000+01:00

Just got back from a bank holiday weekend. Four day week beckons. Had our reunion with the NCT group on Saturday, saw the seven other babies, all much bigger than ours, thats what you get for being late. Everyone seemed to have moved to a second stage already as we still struggled on with no sleep and no clue.

They all had the same worries and bags under their eyes though, which was comforting.

Went for long river walk on Sunday, proudly pushing him in his four wheels down the gravel pathway, dropping the odd hint about three wheelers as we went.

He didnt sleep at all on Sunday night, so a dead day on Monday, weather was awful anyway. He smiled a lot though and even started to play with his mobile, reaching up for the hanging donkey, catching her hair instead and having to be prised apart, he's got some grip - looking good for my golf prodegy.

Hardly slept on Monday night either, this boys not human, drove to work in a daze, still in it.

2004-04-29T17:47:00.000+01:00

Our fella seems to be going in stages, one day he'll be as happy as larry, whoever he is and the next day he'll be grouchy all day long. Theres no accounting for it. Last night grouchy. The waves failed, the rocking failed, we failed. Eventually you just give in and go with it, what else can you do.

Was told this morning that I should not be emailing any friends during work hours at all. Restrict them to lunchtimes only. I give up, what am I supposed to do with my spare time at work. I only hope they dont know about this blog.

2004-04-28T11:29:00.000+01:00

Have been told about something called Einstein for Babies, a DVD that helps them develop their minds. According to a friend it's like a hypnotic mix of animation and live footage, he swears by it. Plonks his daughter down in front of it and she's mesmorised.

He's also very keen on the routine. Waking his up at specified times for feeds, playing with her and then putting her down to sleep. He swears by this too.

All very well if your ordered people in the first place. We are doomed.

2004-04-25T15:15:00.000+01:00

Spent day with in-laws. Beautiful sunny day. Being English we always harp on about the weather when we see some sunshine, but the barbecue was dusted off, we pushed him in his pram down the riverside walk. Had a cold beer and finally some champagne.

He kicked off late on but as we found out and everyone knows already, put him in your car and two minutes later he was gone.

It seems like I'm in lull from the high emotions of the labour and our first two weeks back at home. Long may it continue.

2004-04-24T12:45:00.000+01:00

Denied having a beer after work on Friday as she had a really tough day with him. He wouldn't sleep all day. I got home and rocked him to sleep in five minutes. She claimed like the jar lids that she'd obviously loosened him up first.

Saw sisters new house, huge garden. My nephew just ran up and down it all the time we were there. They have way too much energy.

2004-04-23T16:04:00.000+01:00

Spring has sprung, bodies lie strewn in the parks like fallen branches from winters decay. Fell asleep on a park bench.

Rang up and found her in the garden with him by her side soaking up the rays. So jealous.

Only an hour till the weekend, tick, tock, clock watching already.

2004-04-22T22:56:00.000+01:00

Discovered that playing an old CD called 'By the Sea' bought after watching Il Postino in a fit of poetic rage puts him to sleep. Cranked up the volume and he was out like a light.

Hearing waves crash through our bedroom was a bit surreal but who cares when deep sleep curls above you and you ride into darkness. Bliss.

2004-04-21T12:40:00.000+01:00

Woke up this morning to a terrible noise. Our alarm clock was bleeping away like an episode of The Osbournes. Its been two weeks since I last heard it's chimes and realise the significance. I have to go to work again.

As I left and pulled out the drive, she brought him to the door and made his arm wave at me. It was lovely to wave to my new family but depressing to watch them disappear in my rear view window.

Traffic terrible. Three crashes, get in an hour late. Welcome back. My lucks in though as all but three are out at meetings and i have as smooth a transition as possible from nappy changing to mouse moving.

Lots of presents litter my desk, even one from a client, who says all clients are bad. A play gym takes up most room and bottles of champagne and flowers add to the list. Its almost nice to be back.

Silence. I notice this the most. Now, my office has always been a quiet one, you can often hear the ants walking across the window sills but today it's so quiet and it takes me an age to understand why.

I begin to miss his cries.

2004-04-20T11:10:00.000+01:00

Tears before bedtime.

Its strange how between emotions you can have a day off. Even a week. All was going as normal, well as normal as life has been since his arrival, crying, nappies, feeding, crying, sleep occasionally. He's developed a sneaky habit where he will fall asleep in your arms but as he feels you start to lower him into his crib one of his eyes opens fractionally and glares at you as if to say 'what do you think your doing?'. Rapidly he reappears back in your arms and the rocking continues. All our plans of making him adapt to us have long since been abandoned.

Dropped them both off at a coffee afternoon with new mothers. Met my Dad for a game of golf. Was this some semblance of my old normal life coming back? Alas it was just a mirage, a panicked phone call and she's not well. Deserting my clubs and Father to drive back like a bat out of hell - i did get my panicked drive home after all. Got home and she's doubled over with stomach cramps, he's crying his eyes out. What to do first?

Helped her to bed and gave painkillers, he was in my arms balling away, fortunatley found prepared bottle in the fridge, thank god that was back and working!

Glugging it down and silence again. Sat with her. Brought the labour crashing back to me all over again. I cant stand to see her in anymore pain, she's been through enough. Phone midwifes and tell them symptoms, given a list of things to keep an eye on but told not to worry, its normal for this sort of thing after a birth. Her uterus is contracting back to its old shape and she's experiencing the heaviest period of her life.

Can feel it all overwhelming me. Held him in my arms and felt myself cry.

Feel so much better.

Can't believe I have to go back to work tomorrow.

2004-04-19T12:14:00.000+01:00

No sleep. Had to go shopping. Came back to hysterical wife. Hysterical in the fun, laughing sense. She's not done anything she wanted to since I left to go out two hours ago. He decided he'd do some projectile pooing. Yes you read right. I didn't think that was possible either till I saw our walls and her clothes. You have to laugh. Things just never are what you expect with babies, no matter how many people tell you, you will never know, till they are in your life. It hits like a runaway train and if your not careful you start to watch your life disappearing up the tracks forever. I've been told the trick is not look at it as your life disappearing but just as the new stage in your life. You can still do everything you want, but you have so much more to do now, not just bad stuff but good stuff too, you become a fuller person. I'm not sure if thats bullshit or not. At the moment, neither of us have any life at all individually, but we now have a massive life as a family. At the moment I could'nt see myself ever wanting anymore than that. I'll try and remember I said that, promise.

2004-04-18T08:13:00.000+01:00

Took picture of him and made it into thank you cards for everyone. Grandparents kept crying each time they opened them. Was nice. My Mum's been bringing food round for past three days for us. Angel. Hopefully tomorrow our fridge will be back in action. I'm more desperate for a cold beer than I ever felt possible.

2004-04-18T07:12:00.000+01:00

Too many visitors. Too tired to talk. All want a cup of tea. All come bearing gifts and love and want a hug. What do you do? Smile and make the tea and try and find a spot on the sofa in the corner. We wouldn't want it any other way.

2004-04-17T05:43:00.000+01:00

Sleep. He decided he'd sleep for a four hour and five hour session. Feel so much more refreshed, actually felt the water from the shower hitting my body for the first time in days. Feedings so time consuming, takes hours, I feel for her, sitting there watching terrible TV as he nuzzles away at her. I just have to clean up and keep everything tidy and prep the bottle feeds.

Still no fridge so bottles get made and used straight away, now thats a pain, especially when his sheep call of desperation shakes through the walls. I hope our neighbour is a heavy sleeper.

2004-04-16T01:10:00.000+01:00

No sleep. Overwhelming tiredness can take all the fun out of it. Realised I still haven't told some people he was born yet. Just haven't had any time at all.

2004-04-14T18:09:00.000+01:00

Engineer comes in afternoon. Has to order a part that wont be in till Monday. No fridge till Monday. Bad to worse and nowhere inbetween.

No sleep. Ours is a two hourer.

2004-04-13T18:08:00.000+01:00

D-Day. Coming home. Alls well at hospital and we leave at 1pm. Come home. I now have my mother-in-law story. For some reason unknown to me or anyone of sane mind, she's decided to defrost our fridge for us. Now admittedly she was doing it so she could fit a chicken she had bought us into the freezer compartment. So her heart was in the right place. We come in and sit him down in his car seat in the middle of our lounge and just stare at him for ages. She comes in and starts hacking away with an ice pick and spray at our freezer. Two hours later, he's still asleep, I hope this is a good sign. She's finished and indeed our freezer has no ice inside. Good job. Or not. The power is turned back on and an alarm starts to pitch its way into our lives. At first it sounded like a dog that had been run over but soon it turned into a nest of angry blackbirds.

7hrs later and the fridge is lost. The food is shipped off to various grandparents houses and its turned off for the last time. No one could bodge fix it so someone will have to be called in the morning. So now we have no fridge.

I love her to bits and I know her heart was in the right place but I just never envisaged my first day home with my son would always be remembered for a chirping bloody fridge.

2004-04-12T18:07:00.000+01:00

Both happier today. He's feeding, shes sleeping. All is well in the world. Thought about coming home but breast feeding is still not perfectly smooth. Decide its better to stay one more night for recovery and practise.

2004-04-11T21:06:00.000+01:00

Running late, get in to find her upset, he's upset and is thrust into my arms. 'Hes been like this all night'. With my collective experience of getting babies to sleep adding up to a magnificent day and half I tackled the problem head on and failed. His screams were awful, at the end they petered into a repetitive sheep like bahing. It was heart breaking.

Breasts appeared, he was nuzzled and silence. 10mins and bang he was off again. All day this went on for till finally we gave up and topped him up with formula. Poor guy guzzled it down, he was famished.

Why dont breasts have a ml display on the side or transluency, theres just now way of knowing how much a baby's had.

Phil Mickleson won the Masters, final putt, final green. Already I'm dreaming of fairytale sports stuff for my boy, must get a grip on myself.

2004-04-10T18:05:00.000+01:00

Ferrying trips to and from hospital, she's expected to stay in till Tuesday now at least. Turn up at nine in the morning, watch him sleep all morning, watch her sleep all morning. Go home for lunch at 1pm.

Come back at 3pm, with all the visitors. Dont get a look in. 5pm we get an hour to spend with him on our own, he's asleep. 7pm more visitors, no room for any more flowers, cards are piling up. Woman across the ward is getting upset as she's already been in three days and hasn't had a card. Feel mildly guilty.

8pm the three of us again, he's in my arms. Waited all day for this. He looks at me, though I'm told they cant see you at all, but hell I felt connected. Drive home at 9pm, exhausted. Try to watch the Masters Golf, fall asleep.

2004-04-09T11:12:00.000+01:00

6am, waited all night, had to go for a walk to stay awake, layed on tile floor just to rest my legs. But the waitings over. She's finally ready. A chorus of PUSH bounds into the hallwall from our room. 7am still pushing. 8am still pushing. 9am still pushing. 10am doctor called. Bad news. New midwife appears our sixth and definately last.

They say a c-section. She doesnt think its that bad at all, just wants baby out as soon as possible. She looks into my eyes and pleads 'help me' it is the most helpless moment of my life, all i could do was look back into hers and say helps coming, helps coming.

Kitted out in doctors clothes, hat and size 6 clogs - i take a ten. Hobbled to theatre.
10.40am Sat with her and after all sorts of contraptions beeped up and down, hooked in and out, they started the op.

10.48am

Cries fill the room, I look up to be greeted by the completion of my journals title.

Like Father Like Son.

And the very first moment when that saying rang true was when I shed a tear of happiness and relief whilst he cried his heart out in the room.

Elated. Alls well - Relief.

What on earth do I do now?

2004-04-08T11:10:00.000+01:00

Writing this in retrospect I could expand greatly on my short notes but I'm not going to. I feel it should not be edited and just be the moments thoughts. You'll have to excuse the punctuation.

5am she's in labour. 1pm she's still in labour but in labour ward now so has gas and air. Long swigs of gas seem to work, pain seems unbearable already. Her face is different to how I've ever seen before. Her eyes roll back in her head with every wave, its scary. We are both exhausted already. Told inducement has made contractions twice as bad, poor thing. Her grip is like a vice and yet I feel nothing of her pain myself, my hands are numb. 4pm the pain is beyond her control, we are offered the pool and gratefully accept. She staggers inside and bobs on the surface, it works. The gas and air still working but her pleas are getting more desperate now. How hard it is to encourage when all you can see is her pain, how do you encourage someone to embrace the pain. The answer? I still dont know. Apparently I did, as she continued ever onwards.

Light at the end of the tunnel, literally. Push, push, push. Nothing. Checked. Don't push anymore. Wait. Once pushings started how hard it is to stop. How did she do it. I dont know but she stopped. Pain relief, finally. Been so long epidural was our only choice.

Different person greets me. Waves wash over her now and she doesnt feel a single one. We sit and chat, tired yes but talk and smile and eat. Surreal. Now the waiting really begins. Its 8pm and we have already been through five midwives, hopefully our last one enters the fray. Waiting again, must not push. Still not fully dilated. Jeez.

2004-04-07T11:08:00.000+01:00

Firstly I should apologise for not writing for over a week. All the best laid plans go out the window when you have a child. But I have kept a note of each days events albeit slightly abreviated, the events that brought our first born child into our lives, so back tracking to Wednesday last week when it all began.

Its late. One of the longest days of my life. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Nothing. Still at home. A normal day if you are lucky enough to have a day off work at home. Today was anything but normal. Long phone conversations of good lucks and well wishes spilt the day. Will it be tomorrow?

Arrive at hospital at 7.30pm and get our bed. 8.30pm and actually get seen, inducement gel administered, painful. Nothing. Sit listening to other women panting through closed curtains, sounds too personal to concentrate on. Slight murmerings, excitement. Dashed by midwife, this always happens. Sent home at 10.30pm.

Lights out, kisses goodbye. Spend next 30minutes wandering corridors to find late night exit, the signage is awful, almost glad we are in and not roaming the corridors in labour. Seen the entire hospital now. Ended up in doctors entrance of A&E, had to sneak through avoiding any patient eyes hoping I was bringing pain relief, a lot of moaning in here too, but for very different reasons.

11.45pm sit at home alone. Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Nothing. Three phones line my bedside table, landline, two mobiles. Up early must sleep. Nothing. Every creak of cold hardening floorboards wakes me, three hours sleep at most.

Alarm at six, shower, breakfast. Look at my clothes wonder what i should wear to see my baby for the first time, casual, smart, stupid stuff. Feel the same edginess inside that flying usualy brings me. Get in the car, look in the mirror, look terrible, is today the day?

2004-04-06T11:08:00.000+01:00

Last day at work. Concentration vanished, enthusiasm for work vanished (if it ever existed), everyone here vanished. I now know what tunnel vision feels like, most likely the office thinks I'm just being quiet but I cant even focus beyond tomorrow to talk about the big football match tonight, Chelsea v Arsenal in case your wondering.

Boss A is still attempting to guess possible baby names, hoping that she will stumble upon our chosen name and in the future claim she gave us the initial idea, fortunately she's never even got close but as its my last day i know I'm going to be barraged with names all day long. Boss B is indifferent to the whole thing and only wonders how long I can take off and whether it'll affect the workflow. Two rays of light are as excited as me which makes the process of waiting just that bit more bearable.

For the last month my dad has been telling us the baby will come tomorrow, for some reason he is desperate to have 'known' when his grandchild will appear. Awaiting final phonecall tonight for confirmation of tomorrow arrival and secretly glad he's so excited by it all. Hope he's right this time.

Will be Induced at 7.30pm Wednesday, unless baby finally gets the hint and listens to our whispers of 'head for the light'.

2004-04-05T18:02:00.000+01:00

2004-04-05T14:00:00.000+01:00

They say that having a child brings new meaning to your life. I am two days, maybe two hours away, who knows, from finding out. Already overdue our first child still lies within the safe confines of Mother.

Unknown to him/her (as we want the surprise) the wheels have begun turning and help, needed or not is already on the way. Not even born yet and experiencing intervention in their life already, not sure how I should feel about that.

I'm still at work looking at my phone all day long wondering if the bizarrely chosen Muppets chime will announce impending arrival and I'll have the nerve racked hour of traffic dodging to bluff my way through. Just one day left at work though, knowing as I do an inducement date makes leaving work that much easier, at least for my boss anyway, though secretly I will miss the chance of bursting out of a tedious meeting screaming 'gotta go, my wife's in labour'. Its the ultimate excuse and I might not get to use it.

The point of this blog? As a Father to be I decided I would do three things. One was to create a book of photographs of the whole family line that our child was about to become a part of - a series of personal portraits reflecting the traits of the individual that they could look at in years to come and know where they belong. The second was to write a journal of my experiences as a Father and finally the third was to write a childrens novel dedicated to them.

I'm trying not to view them as lofty goals for bringing new meaning to my life just as a means to communicate my happiness at the prospect of Fatherhood, with that in mind this blog will aim to keep you updated on all the trials and joys of becoming a new Father.